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When to Worry: Navigating the Teen Years

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chilling at home and then being recorded as well so my name is dr. Trista Ramirez I am the coordinator of student mental health care in the welcome this evening to our second Community conversation parent education night we are pleased to have with us this evening Liz shobon who is the executive director of stage which is one of our Community Partners that provides us with our support specialist who are on our campuses in our Middle School that are high school so that we are able to offer our students the opportunity for school-based therapy so this evening lives will be the topic of when to worry and how to nap get teenager so I'm going to turn it over to Liz and I'm going to go push button for her thank you so much for coming good evening thank you guys for coming out I was afraid no one would show up it's a very busy time of year so thank you my name is Liz like she said I've been a therapist for about 25 years and I had someone successfully raced three grown men have three grandsons and my entire crew has pretty much been school-based counseling I started agency up North about 10 years ago and we started stage here three years ago we partner with various schools in the district so what we do is I hire real therapist and a contract with the school district and you guys had access to a real therapist on all the middle and high schools in the district for free so it's a really great thing if you don't know about that tonight at least you've learned something already... Fantastic so tonight I've called our presentation when to worry since I've been a therapist about 25 years did number one question I get from parents all the time his should I worry when should I worry what's going on with my kid shoes as normal so 25 years ago and I've tweaked it and added to it since I started a presentation on when to worry so I'm going to tell you tonight kind of the basic things that normal kids are going through we have some normal kids in the room which can bacon can decide if I'm telling the right things and kind of where do we do when the things are not going right way we don't have the coping skills we need our coping skills are as healthy as they need to be what do I do what do I do as a parent what do I do with a kid and so this is called when when am I going to worry so when I first get into team mindset and for some of you like me it's been a few years since I've been a teenager and it's a lot to remember to think back on there are so many things going on so many things bombarded with you but I always take away the more I work with everything is a first so for us we have perspective we figure things out we've had many heartbreaks if we're lucky we've had many losses we've had many things happen to us teenagers when these things happen at the first not only is it a first you have no perspective like am I going to survive a heartbreak until like you're dying and we might forget that the other thing is you're being bombarded with so much stimulus so much pressure from yourself from your friends from your family I'm going to date myself a little bit and I'm going to show a little movie montage of what it was like for me when I was growing up to kind of Bring It Back and some of you might remember some of these things where is she was it at going to get a boyfriend at the mall do you think call this week stays weren't you just call him I can't miss you can I did when I was 13 it snow it's just I'm in love the mustache coming in rat almost president Kevin Love are wolves part wins and part you got a name no it's too soon she'll ever too soon right I mean a girl besides how far she's going to let you go in the first 5 minutes hello I'd like you to take your clothes off and jump on me I would goodnight Stacy up there. what I'm ready famotidine cheapest thing shirts but yeah but that's okay right style so it's cool Oak Hill me Anna what I can't believe it it's Jake mom stop shrinking me it's not about Dad it's about the audition you're ruining my life enough one day in my high school about everything wishing I was dead that s*** I'm tired of it I put up with everything my old man pushes me around police have the problem I'm the problem I got to take a stand I got to take a stand against him I am not going to sit on my that's the events that affect me on Fulton determine the course of my life I'm going to take a stand I'm going to send it right around I'm going to send it Napoli smoke do you know how popular I am I'm so popular everybody loves me so much for ladies Caymus Cabernet we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday and detention for whatever it was you did wrong all we did was wrong we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are what do you care you see us as you want to see simplest terms and most convenient definitions she said the brain broccoli basket case princess crack weather at 7 this morning they were brainwashed okay how many people remember some of those movies and watch them so I just wanted to bring that as we get older we forget about the teenage years it's our first trick existential crisis for kids that like what am I doing what do I want where do I fit in so prefer a kid and maybe the kids can back me up here like I said there's no perspective is no first everything is up first time so when you fail an exam and break put someone in the same week when your 15 that is similar to a you as an adult getting fired and getting a divorce that's how intense those first-time feelings can be so we have to go lightly on them team 10 two things going for them they're hugely self-conscious and have a constant fear of humiliation that kind of wood drives everything we'll talk a little bit about the teen years you can click on the next one brains develop until we're about 25 years old so during the teenage years the part of the brain that is the frontal lobe it's developing is kind of the emotional reactive impulsive part and our thoughtful more mature brain develops a little bit later so for a teenage there they're taking risks for search for novelty they're doing danger they don't have in Spades don't care about priorities that is the frontal lobe that's what it's supposed to happen so when you save your team what are you thinking they are thinking like a teenage brain they're completely thinking appropriately and it's a wonderful thing on the flip side during that time we can be really unconventional creative and daring thinkers so it's a wonderful great time in fact here are some really creative teenagers so Joan of Arc at the teenager lead the Army in France Albert Einstein at age 12 and 13 he taught himself all kind of physics then and now Jane Austen wrote some of her best books all before she became 19 Bill Gates taught himself to code when he was team members of the daring thinking because no one told him he couldn't and your brain was his brain was thinking that way and my favorite teenagers so John was 16 and he got George and Paul were 15 and then they roped in the old man Ringo who is 22 those are Great Danes not saying that all of our teams are going to become one of those play that's the teenage brain and if we really help the kids understand and appreciate that those are the great things that can happen I'm going to teach you a couple on therapy tracks on how to talk to team there's three things the first two are validated normalize and as a teen and as the kids that I work with and the therapist that I trained those are the two most important thing so you validate and normalize what they're going through when they come in to talk to us and they had a horrible breakup we validate this is a horrible experience you feel like you're heartbroken don't you feel like it's gets physically broken and you normalize it's really normal to feel that upset when you've had your heartbroken when you had someone cheat on you and you think everyone fun if you about it everybody knows about it's a horrible experience I get it and the most important thing is tonight minimize it and I say this because it's easier for me as a therapist we have kids that come in with bad I got some the first thing I tell them is this is going to be different than your parent has really hard for your parents to see you be upset and as a parent that I do it with my own kids when they had heartbreak there's other girls out there you're going to be okay at Birth minimizing it in as a parent that's what we do so at the therapist I don't have to minimize and I tell the kids that in this room you're allowed to be sad when I'm going to wallow in it but it's a really big thing and I'm not going to minimize your heartbreak or how bad you're feeling this is really bad how you get through it here's for parenting tips take them for whatever their worth number one is pick your battles so I always tell parents thinking big theme so you want safety you want your kids to be safe healthy happy so maybe they're room's a mess maybe they're on their Instagram all the time may be doing things if you're constantly battling them picking at them don't do that don't do that you're going to lose the opportunity when they come home from a party and they were drinking or someone drove them home drinking and that's the that's the one you want to talk about it if you've been picking at them for their room and everything else it just goes right out so you try to pick the big things Genesis and it seems silly but talk to your team to talk about how the biggest thing to notice is if there's a difference if there's a change in your kids you know your kids really well you only know your kid really well if you're talking to your kid and talk to her about anything it's not just the time when you're nagging them on things talk to him about day-to-day stuff I had a friend that recently said that the best parenting tip he got was to hang out and read the paper in the kitchen. People still get newspapers but he sit in the kitchen and read the newspaper cuz he said everybody has to come to the kitchen and the kids to see him and he wasn't on his computer whenever he had a newspaper so that they would talk to him the other thing is talk to your kid never faced if you're not always like face-to-face can be intimidating anybody so in the car is always a great day with talk show just about life number three respect privacy this is the one I fight with with parents off and on and I always give my student my my own children and also my own clients benefit of the doubt I'm going to trust you I know you have your teenage brain and I'm going to help your frontal lobe but I'm going to trust that you're making good decisions cuz I'm raising you well and I'm going to trust you I'm not going to look at your I'm not going to go through your stuff I'm not going to go through your backpack as long as I trust you so respect habit I think we saw in Freaky Friday she took the door off the mom that Mom's a therapist what she had done to deserve that but there are times for safety if the kid then doesn't keep his end of the bargain is that something unsafe then all bets are off but if you start with you if you have all your privacy right now don't ruin it and the fourth is don't offer advice even if your kids ask for advice they usually don't ask for advice but even when they do they probably don't want it I think it's more important to share with them so again I'm going to use the break-up so your kid comes home are all upset talk about your breakup before your dad oh my God I had my heart broken it was horrible I thought I was going to die my heart broke I couldn't eat I couldn't sleep be vulnerable with your kids and share that I think that goes so much more than giving them advice with a lot longer who take us up experience is trauma and Trauma is in the eyes of the kit and I'd say this again and again and all the schools I work and all the teams we see everyone has their own tolerance and I said remember these are first-time thing so the trauma could be losing a friend losing a pet your parents divorce in grandparent died it could be failing a test it could be not making the team that could be spraining your ankle and not be able to play the rest of the year and your favorite sport so what can happen as a trauma can happen and you have a healthy kid trying to do everything right and to think laugh and have a limited support network and limited coping skills the week before we get to that I want to. about the positive coping skills so we go into the classrooms I think we go in 7th grade on every single classroom in the district and every single classroom we go in and we do a little presentation on healthy coping skills a little bit about mental illness depends on the age of a 7th grade presentation looks different than the 11th for a presentation what we talked about what depression is what anxiety is what mental illness is how it's treatable and how is feeling overwhelmed healthy ways to cope and the first thing pretty early on the presentation we asked the kids to tell us tell me some healthy ways to cope and last year I did all the seventh graders and I was so impressed at the coping skills. came up with the before we talked about not having them I want you to know that your kids are really resilient and the coping skills we here and you know we kind of help guide them a little bit but there are things like taking a timeout just kind of removing themselves meditating listening to your free apps your mindfulness app exercising doing a sport cooking journaling playing music any chocolate playing video games they had so many great coping skills say you have a kid that doesn't have that the list of coping skills or they do and it's just not enough cuz of trauma was so severe and they don't have a lot of support network so what can happen that you get a trauma you don't have your support network you don't have a good coping now it is time to worry your kid might already be in therapy maybe they need to go to their baby they don't but you've noticed that they're not that has something happened they're not doing well they're not coping they're not talking to anybody so now what do you do I'm going to talk about this you can you do I'm going to talk about some of the main coping skills that we see and all of these because I'm going to be five of them are ones if I'm a therapist and I'm seeing your kid or a therapist or senior kid you would know we would this is the time where we would call the parents of your kids having a really hard time in this is the way they're hoping it's not healthy and this might happen before you therapy with these are ways that I've seen over the years they haven't changed a lot like I said this presentation I started 25 years ago but isolation that's one of the first ones we see and it's where you kid might have been a really social kid Maybe I have a lot of friends and now that that trauma or something happened they don't they no longer reach out their home all the time they're in the room by themselves they're not going out there I'm enjoying anything they're not coming down talking to you so isolation is not a healthy way to cope another one we see a lot of substance abuse and alcohol abuse and what I told kids is there's a lot of danger and when you're feeling overwhelmed and completely knocking them out I don't want to I don't want to think about him every time I get upset jealous angry sad I started the date and I might say by my smoke weed I might drink and what happens I tell them that by the time you sober up in this isn't happening a lot. there some kid that at age 13 14 start using and use for 10 years they're 23 now they've become sober they have the ability to socialize and regulate emotions of a 10 year old or 12 year old my write a star at the hotel room dangerous coping skill because you have no tolerance for any negative intense emotions because every time you felt that you went and you substance or alcohol acting out sexually again if it's something we see boys and girls doing really risky things not caring When the Party's putting themselves in danger situation it's a lot of times are so shut down and if they don't feel and they're just really numb and acting out sexually sometime as a way to get attention in a negative way IPL digression against has both boys and girls physical as well as emotional we see a lot of it sometimes and sportswear they're doing the really intend Sports sometimes at home they're kicking the wall they're hitting the wall from her belly aggressive they're screaming and it's just another way of they're not able to process the emotions appropriately so it comes out in this raging I self harm and behaviors for years it it in various and it changes and there's a lot of layers two different kinds of self-harming behavior and there's a lot of meeting to it self-harming behaviors include cutting on your skin burning on your skinny racing it also depends on where you do it I think that's a big part of it and again with all of these if we see any of these and the clients that we see the parents are involved and we're going to get more intense treatment for self-harming behaviors I think it's a big difference on if it's somewhere public some kids self-harm in a ritualistic and they have to do it a certain number of times I need charm some kids hide it on their legs some kids do it on their belly some kids do it in an adult so there's a lot of meaning behind it the healthiest way to pelvis you can come in now it's time to take action so if you are the kid that's not able to like I said does it have a lot of healthy coping skills and you're seeing some those on healthy Coke now it's time to we need to get some more support and this is the same thing these flies are the exact same flies we have in the classrooms so where to turn friends and again this is for the kids and for you as a parent so if your kid is needing more support they should turn to their friends but you as parents should turn to each other I have a parenting group that started last month and it's once a month and it meets in here second second Sunday of every month and it just started but we come in here and we talked and it's all about parenting tips and issues but what I have seen over the years again and again is that the parents are great you guys exotic rate resources just like when I was raising my kids you don't always tell your friends all the things that aren't so happy so I always say to parents you encourage your friends to tell them when they're not feeling you tell your friends when you're having your kid family is a great resource support staff and we're going to go into exactly what all the support that we have in Palos Verdes district and also your doctor I think it's important to always rule out medical turn off the safer to talk to your pediatrician for your kid or there or their doctor but there are some things that are medically going on and I always tell the story I had a client wants that was really struggling I saw her about 3 weeks and she was down she was lethargic she had no energy and she didn't know why she was depressed which isn't very kind of hurry, there is no trigger I don't know why I'm just feeling depressed go get a medical evaluation that's a good worst kind of get a clean that she had Mono if you've had a drastic change in Behavior stop is going on doctors are a great resource and a lot of times people kids and adults we still more comfortable with our physical symptoms so if we're feeling anxious and depressed We Won't Say I'm anxious and depressed I got a headache I got to stay I think I got a sore neck. It's good to get to that and if you go to a good doctor good pediatrician they usually have some questions to make sure that your kid is not dealing with some other issues about four main disorders these are some of the most common eating disorder does not necessarily one of the most common but it is so deadly and can be so dangerous it's why I'm bringing it up so it when we see kids it's not for me to necessarily diagnose and we don't always diagnose but I want to get some kind of information on symptoms versus a full-blown Disorder so when you think about a full-blown disorder funny kids with depressive symptoms anxiety symptoms but to have a full-blown disorder is a medical diagnosis and in a big picture the difference between just a symptom and a disorder when you have a full-blown disorder the symptoms last at least two weeks with no relief so sad little bit anxious for a little bit you don't have to present anxiety automatically and also interferes pervasive late everyday with your life you cannot live a happy life with this stuff that's going on and it has to occur in at least two areas of your life and that's kind of how you would describe a disorder so it has to happen at home and school home and work has to happen to two places at least two weeks and really interfere with your daily functioning otherwise it's still important information you're having these symptoms but it's not a full-blown disorder with depressive disorder and again when I go into the classrooms we talked about this and neither some similar slides their age Britt from 7th to the seniors that we speak and the first thing I always talk about which I'm going to talk about in here cuz we use the word depressed really Caribbean just Carefree I'm depressed that's not what clinical depression is we help the kids understand if I come and help you guys understand you can have a bad day weekend we are sad we have sad times that doesn't mean were clinically depressed when you're clinically depressed it's also more than sad most of the time especially with teenagers bettas what is emptiness not sadness described it as stealing nothing they want to feel sad they don't steal anything they feel empty they feel angry they feel guilty a lot of times they don't know what they're upset about why they should be depressed without their guilty because they're depressed Seducer and Anna has to go on for at least two weeks so to get clinical depression like I said it's a serious medical condition it is treatable but it's a medical condition so if you are diagnosed with it and you meet the criteria and you you now going to get better necessarily by willing it away and that's an important message we tell the kids it's not a sign of weakness if not I've tried really hard and I've let my family down if your kid has diabetes you don't give  his diabetes what am I going to do you going to get treatment and your kid get the diagnosis he feels better he shouldn't feel bad for having diabetes and now I can get better and we try to make the same analogy with depression if you are clinically depressed it is not your fault and you can get I want an 18 stopper from it and if you untreated depression at least 50% of teams that don't or any age that don't get treated with depression and it goes on and on and on we'll attempt suicide at least one which is why I think we talk so much about it as it is very serious and if you your brain kind of starts telling itself I'm not happy I don't want to be here on empty I have nothing and you know months after months of untreated depression it can lead to severe soup I'll ideation and 6% of people with untreated suicide untreated depression will attempt suicide and 6% will die and the good positive news is depression is treatable which is why we going to the classroom there are a lot of causes we break them down into three kind of main categories genetic psychological and environmental genetic is usually it's passed down from people in your family if your mom and dad are both depressed higher chance U it's a little bit better in this generation but my guess is your grandparents could have been depressed never would have been diagnosed with depression I was just watching a sitcom we were wealthy you would have to prescient I thought all this so not only do you have to be wealthy to have depression but we also didn't diagnose it before we didn't call it that would call his stereo we had different names for it so you might have depression your family and of course if you wouldn't you rather us were talking about it psychological factors and that's kind of how I think of it is kind of yourself talk your resilience so you can have people experience trauma in different ways so some people their brains aren't clicking so right and they are negative messages so they can go through a trauma and they devastate them other people see things differently the glass is half-full Define psychological fact and the environmental are things outside of our control trauma like I said having a death of a family of pet your parents divorcing those things can trigger depression or transmitted or kind of Alabama. Which is if you have depression and you try talk therapy and it's not working a medical evaluation is really important doesn't mean you need medication doesn't even mean you have to take it but it is possible that your brains kind of not clicking and getting the right transmitters to give yourself a fighting chance you can also be triggered by trauma but also by illegal drugs which is why we preach again and again to kids to not your brain still developing 20-25 what I was told my kids wait until you're 25 your brain is not developed a lot of the drugs that you think are safe for people are trying when your brain is not fully develop those could really mess up your brain do you wait till 2:25 message to do with that neither but at least your brain Golden Globes developed and you have a fighting chance but they have definitely too had cases where people have been pushing to schizophrenia and depression from from illegal drug use play it again it's a very positive depression is one of the most treatable mental illnesses talk therapy Cycle Therapy again you could start with your your pediatrician you go start with us at school but talk therapy is a great first step they've even done studies. Different types of talk therapy we call it cognitive behavioral therapy can actually change the way your brain is working so you don't necessarily need medication to trick your brain into kind of clicking right away again the medical evaluation it's on and on and you're not getting help really I think a medical evaluation is always necessary like my client and had Mana am I going too fast because they're all quiet and nice good cooler bring a bipolar because it's four so it's often misdiagnosed it's becoming more and more prevalent and at a younger age of onset used to be in the late thirties and the last generation it's been 18 years then it is also known as manic depressive disorder they just changed the name maybe 10 years ago bipolar disorder there's actually two types of depression without the manic behavior bipolar 1 and bipolar 2 bipolar 1 is manic episodes are more intense there can happen more often but the bipolar 2 hypomania so both of them have to have depression and they have either kind of a low-grade Mania or full-blown Mania and I think people misunderstand mean he isn't being happy it's not the opposite of depression it's kind of things are grandiose obsessive-compulsive you have a little bit of anxiety that anxious energy you think you could do everything and that's a lot of time to specially untreated bipolar and then manic episode is what causes the most damage because you're you feel like you're in pain and so sometimes you act on those feelings and that's where you become more suicidal in your manic episode so we treated with medication more than we do depression because of the Mania could be so dangerous and if misdiagnose like I said because of the hypomania Romania part that can look like ADHD it can look like obsessive compulsive disorder but it's a doctor can diagnose it but it's usually because it's cycling two bouts of depression anxiety stems inside of the number one thing that we see here at the high schools middle schools pretty much all the schools have worked at in the last 15 years every High School up in or California anxiety symptoms are pretty much the number one not full-blown anxiety disorders But anxiety symptoms anxiety is so problem I would always tell again we go to the classroom that everyone experiences anxiety from time to time it could be described as a sense of uneasiness nervousness worry fear or dread what's it about happen or might happen beer is he emotionally filled when were threatened we were in fear and anxiety anticipated danger like I'm going to be scared of your mom can your body anyone that's been anxious we all have highly upsetting cuz it's Dairy physical your physical symptoms of it and it's really important a really important basic survival skill if we didn't feel anxiety will be in big trouble so it's a really pause I'm in a completely normal to worry about stuff with not normal is when you spend excessive amount of time worrying feeling nervous you can't live your normal life there are lots of types of anxiety Pacific anxiety disorders there's phobias there's also generalized anxiety disorder which is kind of worried about everything all the time so they have three things in common they Zayn Icarus too often the anxiety is too strong is out of proportion to the present situation and it affects your ability to live a daily life so I said we don't see a ton of full-blown and go disorders as much as we see the anxiety symptoms it's really really common okay so the Eating Disorders like I said the reason I bring them up again we see a lot of the symptoms the earliest Eating Disorders full-blown Eating Disorders to get the true diagnosis affect one to 2% of team but because the the symptoms leading up to that we see often and if you are not a full-blown just eating disorder it's very life-threatening life-threatening and we always refer out for eating disorders there's two main types of anorexia and bulimia anorexia is your inability to maintain weight you also have a mini and we'll have a very distorted body image you look in the mirror and you do not see what everyone else is reflected back and bulimia is the second type we see a lot of excessive eating with some type of purging to get rid of it right now in a country over 30% of adolescent girls think they're overweight and over 60% or on a diet which is why I bring it up and I can't we see them both boys and girls full blood disorder but that the symptom I'm in the main symptoms we see I can get us a distorted body image I've had girls come in it's been years ago and they want to look like Mischa Barton from the OC and she was already 20 lb better than Mischa Barton when she told me that I'm thinking she just really didn't see who she was and then she said and then I'll be out with my boyfriend I'm laughing and I'm going to rolling over in the rolls in my stomach and feeling it in again she's 85 lb just dirt body Images so distorted early signs again are restricted eating I only eat lunch now I only eat dinner I'm a vegetarian now I'm a vegan now I'm a vegan that doesn't eat gluten if it doesn't mean that if your kids are saying this but they have Eating Disorders cuz there's a lot of healthy eating there some of the more severe symptoms as it the disease prolongs is teeth rotting out from purging for girls don't stop having your . they also grow what they call and it sounds like a almost like a feathery because they're their body weight is too low that their body is trying to stay warm these are pretty Advanced symptoms can I bring it up because it's such a deadly can be such a deadly Disorder so if you suspect anything and you see these coming the first step is always get a medical evaluation and so I want to normalize what's going on I said you saw those things and this is the stats latest got from the middle Health America so when is five teams at any time in our country's suffering from some sort of mental health problem so your district is no different than the other District you guys are actually I think one of the few districts it at in the beginning in Southern California that's added therapy this is not a new problem it's not just a p v problems Southern California promise that it's a national problem and two thirds aren't getting the help they need and as you probably know his parents but that's not going to happen cuz you guys are all here is there something should I worry that's the first step and then where do you get help I don't know if you even tried on your insurance but that's a whole nother thing and it can usually it's not even your medical insurance health insurance and there's a lot of stigma and there's a lot of berries so if there's anything you learned tonight if there's a lot of support in this District to get you set up and if you're worried about yourself your kids you can get help with us so this is the last negative chats life suicide is the second leading cause of death for kids between 14 and 21 more kids die every year by Suicide than all of those ones on the right combined with just about it not to scare us but just to put it in for active on Wyatt such an important topic and why the district is spending so much time and energy and we go into the classrooms we don't show this slide necessary but we talked to the kids and age-appropriate not alone and you can get help so that's the message and Harrison Place is so like I said this district is one of the first that I know in the area that has given so much support with mental health in fact trista's prison the director district coordinator of student mental health was created just last year for the district is putting their money where their mouth is a really mean it I need to school you have a count your kids each have a counselor by alphabet middle and high school sagebrook home student support specialist she's a therapist she's at every single they're all women there at all the middle schools in at the high school is actually to teach high school and give your kids can come in and talk to them for free if your kid is seeing someone at the school people ask me you were we don't do it without parental consent and if we see any those warning signs your your therapist would let you know school psychologist and if we have great principals and assistant principal see you but a lot of support here at The District's if you don't know where to turn that's the first step and then I think there's also a handout but there's some great resources to help a family connected that is the most wonderful fantastic resource so if a website has actually got of one that's just for your district and it's for kids and pretends it's for parents for for kids in middle school and high school high school that everything issues that have mental health issues that gender questioning issues I have videos they have resources they have places to turn it is free is out there don't ever go there first if you're looking for anything it's such a great site and I always promote the crisis text line spin around maybe five or six years now and it's free 24/7 to 24 hours a day 7 days a week anyone in adult kids anyone can text 74174 1 and you're connected play with a real life crisis counselor I'm a volunteer on there and so I can tell you that it works it's all text you don't talk there's also crisis hotlines you can call but this is a text I think we are found over the years that Crystal people more comfortable talking and I can't see you in these you don't have to talk to text and for some people it's not safe we have people that are text me at that are in an unhealthy relationship are hiding in the bathroom so we can text back fourth but the crisis text line is 24 hours a day 7 days a week but also has a huge number of resources for free so we get a lot of texts like I'm worried about my friend my friend suicidal or my friend posted this what do I do if I could have a link on it Graham Facebook all the social medias to get right to the crisis text line so that's a no and then again we are the suicide prevention that's a phone for people that would prefer to call and the Trevor Project the sific grape these are specifically for LBD gtq to keep adding letters did you guys have any questions stunned you into silence I'm curious of the kids that came did the ring I don't put you guys right on the father with some kids right yeah and so I think what your point is is very valid at text everybody and it's in whether it's right in our neighborhood or community but did you guys some of the stuff I'm saying we didn't ring true to you or not I cuz they don't want me to talk to them yes just want this big question definitely social media has impacted dead and we don't have as much down time and we talked about that when we go into the classrooms we just have time to like even as adults to the process what we thought when we were in high school like you go home and then you have to call your girlfriend and then you had to wait for your sister be off the phone and so now they don't kids will you pull the poor as far as you can into the gas so I do think there's some effect on that there is a organization the that is dead headed this year was it called the volunteer connection volunteer Center in Torrance they're there April speaker but they are dedicating their they've looked at what are the issues in the community for teens social media use of social media and how it's affecting it is really important to taking that on and they believe it's an addiction other countries have already diagnosed it and have it written we haven't caught up to that but that and I think there's on my hand out cuz people keep asking about that I was on a panel for the light documentary which is around and you guys can I don't know if he's getting it anytime soon that kind of shines a light on how it's affecting mental health for teens and adults so you're right on we don't always have all the answers but leave Frontier Center in Torrance has a dedicated that that is what they want to work on in the community so I would recommend kind of boy on their study of tons of data have tons of information and they're coming in April tell if I answered your question yeah and don't like a lot of the kids we have been in the wellness centers in the student center they can come in and kind of chilling a lot of times people thinking maybe they shouldn't have their phone some people on your coping skills is those apps on the phone or the funny cat videos or the Calm app and so there are lots of there there's two sides to have both of those there is a grooving there's one in Torrance I think it is a student-run these guys might know about teens helping each other as like talk last text last but they have like little challenges every week let's let's be off social media for 12 hours or something but it's on the handout I gave you back there and you'll see it but I think the kids have decide and then the the like talking to give us some good ideas and they were thinking of talking about pints apps and things that bring you Joy instead of drain you and instead of the joy of missing it was the joy of missing out instead of fear cuz they like that they were missing out they like that they were living there was two teams on the panel and Torrence that have groups and they they're trying to have each other text Russ just might the depression disorder better at diagnosing them so if you look back to like I know I always think that when I was in high school did anyone have depression I don't know maybe they did we just didn't call it that but they would have met the criteria so I actually think it is a positive there's less stigma people talk about it they don't mind telling anxiety or depression disorder but I definitely think I don't know how much more overtime but it's definitely something that you ask your kids anxiety depression is did you go anywhere High School guess and being a summit recorded you can't hear me if I'm not up here at this stage does provide the district with a report about the number of students that they're singing and for what types of instances we do in my role as a coordinator I do track those things with the counselors with the high school and middle school bell Elementary School actually attract with everybody in terms of what they're doing what kinds of things with instances are four so we are looking at the data had to try and understand what that looks like. but stage provides us with a very detailed report to the district office so that were able to understand kind of common themes and things like that in terms of data I think making data-driven decisions is really important and I think there is data surrounding student social emotional health and what that looks like so I think using data to make our decisions at the district is something that I know Doctor gotanda Who is who do I report to if my direct supervisor it's something that she's very find terrarium values is that we are making those data-driven decisions in all of our work and that is a piece of what we look at at the district office as well I think you guys are in a horn for them but not all districts I mean I've only been in Southern California for 3 years with the agency but not all schools have to go for you to have two full on therapist anytime phenomenal so yeah so then the data either will get more data definitely yes Touchstone that in that respect the Privacy part so I always say is I'm going to respect them until I'm suspicious you know if if you're suspecting that they're doing drugs must see something right I mean we don't just I would I would say let's give our kids benefit of the doubt let's just say our kids are doing drugs if we think they are because behaviors change their eyes are red they're crying there in their room their eyes light in a coming back from a party they can't walk there slashy that then that's a whole different story that again but I also said respect having you talk to your kid could you the kid I mean what what what makes you think what would what would make you suspect that it's possible they're using some kind of drugs you want to and I'm just saying hypothetically so if you think that we could you address that with the kid I don't know what if put on the teenagers in the room do you want your parents to check your backpack or if they suspect you're using what would you like them to do play some safety first so if you're really suspicious and there's something really going on and their safety is always number one but I think talking is is a great first step I don't know which would you guys tell your parents it's your parents came to you and said hey are you experimenting with drugs I'm I'm concerned such a good point and I talked about this in my last parenting group my first in parenting group get to practice the face when your kids come to tell you things you don't go home so you have to be understanding and indebted and they're going to tell you some scary but you want them to be safe so if you that's it sound like they the yellow man just said really clearly. In a good way you need to establish that from the beginning you can talk to me I'm here for you I was a kid once I get life's hard let's talk about it and hopefully then if they're feeling so overwhelmed that they need to use drugs cuz they don't like their emotions or whatever whatever reason or feeling pressure they will come to you but if they don't and you're really worried you can look parents can do whatever they need to do to get their kids back I'm not telling that you can't also not the boss of you in general I find that it's best to have an overnight trip with your kids and that starts really young and that's why I also said about sharing are you up to share details of every little thing you've done but when they come in instead of giving them advice you tell them what you've gone through cuz my guess is you have been a teenager and you found your stuff that's overwhelming and to share that goes a long way would you girls look great back there I put them on the spot yes so the parent group is next Monday at 9 30 in this room in its but isn't the Third does the third Monday of every month we just that thing is posted on the district website but it's the third Monday of every month it just started in last month and so this month it will be here at 9:30 it's an hour it's all confidential Trista doesn't come and it's just me and whoever last time we had I think about 15 parent it's your group we talked about whatever I'm going to talk about some of the stuff we can talk in depth about things and we'll keep doing it every month as long as people do you have any more questions yeah thank you I know it's a busy time of year so thank you

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